Mel and Leityn
“I think the biggest reward is seeing the kids do things we were told would never be possible. Every one of our kids is doing things today that no one thought they could do. Being able to see that change as they grow is awesome.”
Leityn and Mel.
Mel and Leityn may be just two people, but they’re making the kind of impact normally reserved for many more.
The Gisborne-based couple have been short-term and foster carers for several organisations, including CCS Disability Action, for around a decade. In addition to their own large family of four – Trey (21), Skye (19), Ziya (17), and Laynie (5) – they’ve welcomed many children into their home over this time.
Foster care involves placing a child who needs a safe place to live with a new family long-term. CCS Disability Action works with Oranga Tamariki to support disabled tamariki into homes across the country. Sometimes a child’s birth family remains in their life, and other times they do not – Mel and Leityn have a mixture of both situations with their foster kids.
Two of their current foster children, Mark – who came to the family through another agency – and Caleb, are adults now and live in a self-contained unit on their property. Mel and Leityn also care for Noah (17) and Aroha (3). There’s no talk of ‘biological kids’ or ‘foster kids’ with Mel. The whānau are all embraced wholeheartedly as their own. “They’re all my kids,” says Mel.
“I honestly don’t know if I can put the kind of difference Mel and Leityn make into words. They’re just the most amazing people,” says Natasha Moke, Coordinator for CCS Disability Action. “It’s hard to imagine the life their foster children would have had without them, or what their future would have looked like.”
Despite growing up in a family that fostered disabled children – Mel’s mum was a foster carer when Mel was a child and won an award for her services to children. Her sister is also a foster carer – it wasn’t a vocation Mel was keen to pursue.
“I was adamant that it wasn’t the life for me,” she says with a laugh. “I worked in disability care for some time, then I moved into hairdressing, but I always felt pulled back.” Mel and Leityn first tested the waters by offering respite care, which involves short-term care – something she’d encourage others considering caregiving to do too.
It was Leityn who finally nudged the pair into becoming foster caregivers. “It was something he always felt he wanted to do,” she explains. That was enough for Mel to come on board.
Now, it’s hard for her to imagine things being any other way. “It’s definitely not an easy life, but it’s so rewarding,” she says.
Foster care is rewarding mahi.
It makes for a very busy household. “Our house is pretty full if we’re all home at the same time,” she explains. The children have a wide range of impairments which come with significant support and behavioural needs. All have experienced significant trauma.
Without dismissing how hard it is, Mel and Leityn take these challenges in their stride. “We’re a mixed bag here. Aroha has very high medical needs, so that means a lot of time at medical appointments and hospital visits. Caleb needs 24/7 care [he has physical, learning and sensory impairments], and we have some full-on challenges with Noah. We have to be really careful because, for example, he would run into traffic because he’s not road aware. It’s a different life than most people’s,” she explains.
But seeing the impact they’re having makes it all worth it.
“I think the biggest reward is seeing the kids do things we were told would never be possible. Aroha came to us when she was 8 weeks old and she wasn’t expected to live. She had been through so much in her short life. She’s absolutely amazing and we’re so lucky to have her. Every one of our kids is doing things today that no one thought they could do. Being able to see that change as they grow is awesome,” says Mel.
Part of CCS Disability Action’s role is to help families get set up to welcome a child into their home. This includes training and information, equipment or modifications required, and organising funding for practical things like nappies, car seats, pushchairs, and clothing. They are also there for the long term, as and when they are needed.
“I wasn’t there at the start as they have only recently moved to Gisborne, but my job has been to support and advocate for Mel and Leityn and ease their load,” explains Natasha. “For example, we support with Individualised Education Planning sessions for Noah at school, we meet with ICAMHS [Infant, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services], especially when Mel and Leityn notice problematic behaviour escalating, we are there for the annual court reviews required by Oranga Tamariki, and we are always on the end of the phone if something ‘extra’ comes up. We’re there for moral support.”
“CCS Disability Action have been our biggest supporter,” says Mel. “We have to meet with a lot of different agencies to ensure the kids’ needs are well met. CCS Disability Action take away some of the extra work that comes with having disabled kids and foster kids in particular. They have always been quick to put things in place that we need. They have been a great support over the years.”
Mark the ‘Mahi Man’ and his crew.
Family life is jam-packed and largely centres around sport. Noah, with Leityn’s support, is now a volunteer with the ‘Mahi Man & Co Hydration Service’. The group was set up for disabled youth and adults with the ‘mahi men’ providing sports teams with the water and sports drinks they need at trainings and game days.
“That has been so cool. Noah loves doing the mixes. We are there for every Warriors training and the home games. They are so lovely with the kids. The group has also helped with the Chiefs and the Sevens. We were told that our little man would never be able to interact with other people or be in crowds. And now he is absolutely thriving! It gives him a sense of pride and purpose,” she explains.
“We try our best to get one-on-one time with all our kids. Most of our time is dedicated to family, I would say,” says Mel.
A feeling of genuine connectedness is clear for all to see and extends out into their wider family and community.
“The way Mel and Leityn involve the children in everything they do is amazing. They’re always out and about in the community – I saw them recently at the Relay for Life and there they were, with all the family. They have all their aunties, papas – you name it – involved in their children’s lives. It means there’s now an extended whānau to provide their love and support. They give all their children such an incredible life,” says Natasha.
While the day-to-day is undoubtedly full-on, the pair are also grateful to their ‘own’ children for opening their hearts and their home.
“Laynie is just so lovely and caring. She’s so used to being around disabled people now and isn’t embarrassed when she has friends around to play. I think that brings more awareness about difference to people too, which is good.”
Her eldest daughter Skye has also recently become an official respite carer with CCS Disability Action – which makes it easier for Mel and Leityn to have some time together. “There is a lot of tag-teaming with the kids, so we do try and get some time together, even if it’s just dinner on the deck,” says Mel.
The family are currently planning their first full family holiday to Australia – something that has long been on Noah’s bucket list. “We’re supporting the family with the legal side of things, something that’s more challenging for children in Oranga Tamariki’s care,” says Natasha. “That commitment to making their children’s dreams come true just says it all.”
Footnote: We have used pseudonyms for all of Mel and Leityn’s foster children in this story as they cannot be named publicly.